The Truth About Conservatives

1. "Today's so-called 'conservatives' don't even know what the word
 means. They think I've turned liberal because I believe a woman has a
 right to an abortion. That's a decision that's up to the pregnant
 woman, not up to the pope or some do-gooders or the Religious Right.
 It's not a conservative issue at all."
 - Barry Goldwater
 
 2. "I cannot help fearing that men may reach a point where they look
 on every new theory as a danger, every innovation as a toilsome
 trouble, every social advance as a first step toward revolution, and
 that they may absolutely refuse to move at all."
 - Alexis de Tocqueville
 
 3. "Conservatism is the blind and fear-filled worship of dead
 radicals."
 - Mark Twain
 
 4. "Conservatism discards Prescription, shrinks from Principle,
 disavows Progress; having rejected all respect for antiquity, it
 offers no redress for the present, and makes no preparation for the
 future."
 - Benjamin Disraeli
 
 5. "Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in
 encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It's because
 volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people
 to work for no pay for a long time."
 - George Carlin
 
 6. "Republicans approve of the American farmer, but they are willing
 to help him go broke. They stand four-square for the American home --
 but not for housing. They are strong for labor -- but they are stronger
 for restricting labor's rights. They favor minimum wage -- the smaller the
 minimum wage the better. They endorse educational opportunity for
 all -- but they won't spend money for teachers or for schools. They think
 modern medical care and hospitals are fine -- for people who can afford
 them. They consider electrical power a great blessing -- but only when
 the private power companies get their rake-off. They think American
 standard of living is a fine thing -- so long as it doesn't spread to all
 the people. And they admire of Government of the United States so much
 that they would like to buy it."
 - Harry S. Truman
 
 7. "Republicans are men of narrow vision, who are afraid of the
 future."
 - Jimmy Carter
 
 8. "Latins for Republicans -- it's like roaches for Raid."
 - John Leguizamo
 
 9. "A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however,
 has never learned to walk forward."
 - Franklin D. Roosevelt
 
 10. "A conservative is a man who just sits and thinks, mostly sits."
 - Woodrow Wilson
 
 11. "I like that about the Republicans; the evidence does not faze
 them, they are not bothered at all by the facts."
 - Bill Clinton
 
 12. "A conservative is someone who makes no changes and consults his
 grandmother when in doubt."
 - Woodrow Wilson
 
 13. "A Conservative Government is an organized hypocrisy."
 - Benjamin Disraeli
 
 14. "A Conservative is a fellow who is standing athwart history
 yelling 'Stop!'."
 - William F. Buckley, Jr.
 
 15. "Although it is not true that all conservatives are stupid people,
 it is true that most stupid people are conservative."
 - John Stuart Mill
 
 16. "Even as someone who's labeled a conservative -- I'm a Republican,
 I'm black, I'm heading up this organization in the Reagan
 administration -- I can say that conservatives don't exactly break
 their necks to tell blacks that they're welcome."
 - Clarence Thomas
 
 17. "In the United States I have always believed that there was a big
 difference between Conservative and stupid. Boy is it getting harder
 to prove that one by the minute."
 - Rick Mercer
 
 18. "The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest
 exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior
 moral justification for selfishness."
 - John Kenneth Galbraith
 
 19. "When a nation's young men are conservative, its funeral bell is
 already rung."
 - Henry Ward Beecher
 
 20. "I wonder how many times you have to be hit on the head before you
 find out who's hitting you? It's about time that the people of America
 realized what the Republicans have been doing to them."
 - Harry Truman
 
 21. "In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be
 thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican."
 - H. L. Mencken
 
 22. "A conservative is one who admires radicals centuries after
 they're dead."
 - Leo Rosten
 
 23. "Conservatives define themselves in terms of what they oppose."
 - George Will
 
 24. "The Republicans are looking after the financial interests of the
 wealthiest individuals in this country."
 - Edward Kennedy
 
 25. "Liberalism is trust of the people tempered by prudence.
 Conservatism is distrust of the people tempered by fear."
 - William E. Gladstone
 
 26. "Republicans don't like people who talk about depressions. You can
 hardly blame them for that. You remember the old saying: Don't talk
 about rope in the house where somebody has been hanged."
 - Harry Truman
 
 27. "You have to have been a Republican to know how good it is to be a
 Democrat."
 - Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis
 
 28. "Brains, you know, are suspect in the Republican Party."
 - Walter J. Lippmann
 
 29. "Herbert Hoover once ran on the slogan, 'Two cars in every
 garage'. Apparently, the Republican candidate this year is running on
 the slogan, 'Two families in every garage'."
 - Harry Truman
 
 30. "Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a Republican. But
 I repeat myself."
 - Harry Truman
 
 31. "Democrats legislate; Republicans masturbate."
 - Lyndon Johnson
 
 32. "A gathering of Democrats is more sweaty, disorderly, offhand, and
 rowdy than a gathering of Republicans; it is also likely to be more
 cheerful, imaginative, tolerant of dissent, and skillful at the game
 of give-and-take. A gathering of Republicans is more respectable,
 sober, purposeful, and businesslike than a gathering of Democrats; it
 is also likely to be more self-righteous, pompous, cut-and-dried, and
 just plain boring."
 - Clinton Rossiter
 
 33. "The Democrats are the party that says government will make you
 smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The
 Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then
 get elected and prove it."
 - P.J. O'Rourke